As a Community, we worship together on
Monday nights…well, when
we are not with delegations, or working late, or just overwhelmed....although
we should always do it. It helps us
focus. Often we have a reading and we
reflect, sharing our thoughts and seeing where it leads us….frankly most of the
time, it leads far, far away from the reading.
Monday we read
about making a choice…about how choosing
a path is sometimes the most important part – even more important than the follow through.
Mike noted that not making a choice
is part of being privileged. Most often,
people who just “ride” life out are able to do so because they don’t need to choose. Not choosing is a luxury of the wealthy…and
a luxury the “haves” enjoy all too well.
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| Martha with her daughter Abril |
Martha, of Guitarra
Madera Azul, is dying of cancer and has been for a long time. She
has chosen life and has fought and fought and fought. I often times think that I would have given
up long ago and let death choose me…she suffers so, but she in her family she
is the best bread winner…and they are poor.
She has been the one to help raise her sisters and she has a daughter
who needs her desperately. What will
happen if she gives up? So for today, she is still breathing and when
awake, taking care of her family.* (Note: Martha has since passed away, see here for more information)
Sometimes I am too fearful to choose. When
we, the JHC, chose to go out on a limb, take a loan out for spinning plant
machinery, take our collective retirement, emergency health care money, and make
a cash guarantee on that loan…I thought, “what will happen if something goes
wrong?” And it did…Jack Coker
took our $150,000 down payment and did not live up to his end of the
bargain. The spinning cooperative
folded, we are paying off more than $230,000 -- the biggest loan we have EVER
taken out, and YET choosing to side with
the cooperative was right…I was glad to have community members who
challenge me to choose despite my fear.
In January we
had a clinic staff meeting where I asked everyone to dream of what they wanted
for the clinic…beautiful dreams were expressed.
And as I took notes and listened to our staff member’s dreams to make
the clinic better and better, I got more and more afraid…”what if we start
this?” “How are we going to pay for it?” “How are we going to staff all these projects?” “I’m so very tired.”
So what do I
do…do I wait and not choose? Or do I
take a deep breath and take a step on a path?
Taking that first step, making
that one choice to do what is right is often the hardest…it is scary,
overwhelming, and daunting.
What holds me back? It is my fear of being sucked
dry and being left an empty shell. What holds you back? -Kathleen
